Moving Into a Care Home

It is okay to feel everything

Moving a loved one into a care home brings a wave of emotions — grief, guilt, relief, sadness, and sometimes all of them at once. These feelings are not contradictions. They are the natural response to a decision made out of love, under difficult circumstances.

If your parent or partner is moving into care, please know this: choosing safety and proper support is not giving up. It is one of the hardest, most selfless things a family can do.

Before the move: preparing emotionally

If the person moving is able to be involved in the decision, involve them as much as possible. Visit potential homes together. Ask them what matters to them — proximity to the garden, a room with a view, being near other people their age. Even if their ability to participate is limited, being consulted preserves dignity.

For families, the weeks before the move can be some of the hardest. You may second-guess the decision. You may lie awake wondering if you have chosen the right home. Talk about these feelings — with your family, with friends, with the care home staff. The home's manager has helped dozens of families through this; they understand.

What to pack

Packing for a care home is a practical task with enormous emotional weight. You are distilling a life into a suitcase and a few boxes. Here is what to prioritise:

Essentials

• Comfortable clothing — enough for a week, labelled with their name. Choose items that are easy to put on and take off. Avoid anything that needs dry cleaning.
• Toiletries — their preferred soap, shampoo, toothbrush, and any skincare. Familiar scents are a powerful comfort.
• Medications — a full list with dosages, which the care home will take over managing.
• Key documents — GP details, next-of-kin information, power of attorney papers if relevant, and any advance care plans.

Comfort items

• Family photos — framed pictures for the bedside table and walls. These are anchors to identity and memory.
• A favourite blanket or cushion — something tactile and familiar for the armchair or bed.
• A personal item — a clock from home, a radio tuned to their favourite station, a favourite mug, a cherished ornament.
• A small piece of furniture — if the home allows it, their own armchair or bedside table transforms the room.
• Books, puzzles, or music — whatever brings them pleasure. A pre-loaded music player with songs from their era can be wonderful for people with dementia.

Moving day

Moving day itself is often less dramatic than the anticipation. Most care homes handle it with practised gentleness. Here are some tips:

• Arrive when it is calm. Mid-morning is often best — after breakfast, when the home has settled into its rhythm.
• Set up the room first. If you can, visit beforehand to arrange photos, furniture, and personal items. Walking into a room that already feels familiar makes a huge difference.
• Keep the first day simple. A short visit, a cup of tea, a walk around. Do not try to unpack everything or introduce your loved one to every staff member. Let them absorb.
• Say goodbye with warmth, not drama. A calm, reassuring farewell is easier than a tearful one. You can cry in the car afterwards — many families do. That is okay too.

The first weeks: settling in

The settling-in period typically takes between two and six weeks. During this time:

• Visit regularly but briefly. Short, predictable visits are more reassuring than long, irregular ones. "I will see you on Tuesday and Thursday" gives structure.
• Talk to the staff. Carers see your loved one every day and can tell you how they are eating, sleeping, and interacting. Build a relationship with them.
• Expect good days and difficult days. There may be tears, confusion, or anger. There may also be laughter, new friendships, and relief. Both are normal.
• Give the care plan time to develop. The first few weeks are when the home learns your loved one's routines, preferences, and needs. Share everything you know — what time they like to get up, how they take their tea, what calms them when they are anxious.

Staying connected as a family

Moving into a care home does not mean the family relationship changes — only the setting does. Here is how to stay close:

• Visit for everyday moments. You do not need an activity planned. Sitting together with a cup of tea, watching television, or reading the paper is enough.
• Bring children and grandchildren. Intergenerational visits light up a care home. Children are welcome in almost every home.
• Join in activities. Many homes welcome family members at events — film afternoons, garden parties, or music sessions.
• Video calls. For family members who cannot visit in person, regular video calls keep the connection strong.
• Celebrate milestones. Birthdays, anniversaries, and seasonal holidays can be celebrated at the home. Most homes are happy to help organise.

Looking after yourself

Families often focus so completely on their loved one that they forget their own needs. The transition into care is a loss for you too — a loss of routine, of the caregiving role, of how things used to be.

Give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel relief. And give yourself permission to rest. You have been carrying a great deal, probably for a long time. The care home is there to share that weight now.

If the emotions feel overwhelming, your GP can help, and organisations like Carers UK and Age UK offer confidential support.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does it take to settle into a care home?

Most people begin to feel more comfortable within 4 to 6 weeks, though it varies greatly. The first week is often the hardest. Regular visits from family, familiar belongings, and patient, attentive staff all help. Some homes suggest a "settling in" period of two weeks where visits are slightly limited to help the person bond with staff and fellow residents.

What should I pack for a care home?

Pack comfortable, easy-to-manage clothing (labelled with their name), toiletries, family photos, a favourite blanket or cushion, a small piece of familiar furniture if allowed, and any personal items that bring comfort — a radio, favourite books, or a cherished ornament. The home will provide bedding and towels, but personal touches make the room feel like their own.

Can I bring furniture from home?

Most care homes welcome small pieces of personal furniture — a favourite armchair, a bedside table, a bookshelf, or pictures. Check with the home first, as there may be fire safety requirements or size restrictions. Personal furniture can make an enormous difference to how quickly the room feels like home.

What if my parent does not want to move into a care home?

Resistance is completely natural. Try to understand the fear behind the refusal — loss of independence, leaving a beloved home, feeling like a burden. Involve them in the decision as much as possible, visit homes together, and reassure them that their feelings are valid. Sometimes a short trial stay helps them experience the reality rather than their fears. Never force the move without professional advice.

How often should I visit after the move?

As often as feels right and sustainable. Regular, predictable visits are more reassuring than occasional long ones. Even a 20-minute visit for a cup of tea can mean everything. Many families settle into a rhythm of two to three times per week. Some homes also facilitate video calls for family who live further away.